Live from the Heart...

hello to anyone who might read this on occasion...

I am moving blogs at the inspiration of my friend Laura's blog....

its more open and free to non-member comments which is also nice...

so you can feel free to meander to that should you wish to....

I also have many of my friends blogs and links that i was limited to have on here as well...

check it out

ashleymorganjackson.wordpress.com

love

Our wedding day has come and gone..

Morgan did my photos and these are a few I've taken from his blogspot...I love them! Can't wait to see them all!!!

The day was crazy full of wonderful, frustrating, and extreme emotional moments...I can't wait to watch the video and take it all in again!

Our Honeymoon was also fab, I highly recommend cruises!

Won't write much now...back to real life...but married life!

I became an aunt and wife all in a few days of each other!!!

Little Noah is precious, but I will wait a bit till I get one for myself, haha!

 

 

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these tow behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.

When we want God and a bunch of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil.

A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living a healthy, fruitful lives for God.

I quickly found that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testiment Christianity. The foals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ litterally and seriously is rarely considered. Thats for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard". Most of us all want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering.

Lukewarm people call "radical" what Jesus expected of all His followers.

 

Lukewarm people are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slaves to the God of control. This focus on safe living keeps them from sacrificing and risking for God.

Jesus asked for everything, but we try to give Him less.

As I see it, a lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron; theres no such thing. To put it plainly churchgoers who are "lukewarm" are not Christians.

The thought of a person calling himself a Christian without being a devoted follower of Chirst is absurd.

For years I gave God leftovers and felt no shame. I simply took my eyes off Scripture and instead compared myself off others. The bones I threw at God had more meat on them then the bones others threw, so I figured I was doing fine.

Hosea 13:6 "When I fed them they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me."

Leftovers are not meerly inadequate; from God's point of view (and lest we forget, His is the only one who matters) they're evil. Lets stop calling it a "busy schedule" or "bills" or "forgetfulness". Its called evil.

I'd rather you not say anything than compliment me out of obligation or guilt. Why would think god any different?

He is saying that no worship is better than apathetic worship, I wonder how many church doors God wants to shut today.

Tim Kizziar said, "Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be failure but if succeeding at things in life that don't really matter"

many more to come...check the book out yourself..talk about a spiritual kick in the butt!

so today I am two weeks and three days away from my wedding day..man alive..I have been waiting for this my whole life...wow!

Last week I felt like I was losing my mind, this week I am much better which I am greatful for. I am still tired but I love that the times and weather is changing and it puts me in a good mood. I feel like we are pretty on top of the "list" which also makes me feel better about everything! Tonight I will meet with Mandy to go over any last details for the cake and pick a time for her to drop it off. Tomorrow I will meet with the wedding coordinator, the photographer, and Lori will come to see what the decorations will be like in there and ask all the last questions I can think of.

Wow, this is all happening so fast and so incredibly soon..I am so looking forward to seeing all my friends (several of them I havent seen in a couple years!) It will be so nice:) I want to soak it all in, this time has been such an amazing blessing!

I feel like I make excuses for myself during this time that I dont need to be learning anything because I do not have any mental capacity for it, but its amazing what our brains can hold. Chris is having us read this book at the moment called Crazy Love by Francis Chan

 talk about a kick in the butt! Its a good one, check it out.

Anyways between that and the sermons he is dishing up I have been having plenty to think about. Mostly a revisiting to who I want to be, how I want my relationship with the Lord to be and how I never want to settle for apathy! How my whole life is to glorify God and how easy it is to slip into seeking comfort and security and not Gods glorification. How I want everyone else to see the errors of their ways and how they are making me feel and skip over my responsibility to (in the words of ghandi) "Be the difference you want to see in the world".

It starts with me, and it starts and ends with love..real love. Love is not something I feel like doing all the time, but its not a feeling its a choice. I have been thinking about the fact that actually the ability to love people is not at all something I can come up with but WHATTA YA KNOW...a gift and fruit of the Holy Spirit. I can not really love anyone or anything without Him, it may be a good attempt at best but its not REAL love. The truth of the matter is that through the business and other lame excuses I have not spent time with the Love of my life and you know what, I know He loves me anyways..His love is not based on how many hours I spend with him or how well I am doing on the devotion chart..He still speaks to me and blesses me despite of myself, and that is another picture of true love. Yet I see so clearly my lack without Him. Its not for his benefit that I love him but my own, I mean really how selfless in all aspects. Its the only reason he wants it for me anyways.

The crazy thing about life is we have to work with, live with, be around people, all the time. something Francis pointed out is that lukewarm christians say they "love" but they really just love the people who are easy to love. I have been so aware of this recently and how I have no desire nor capacity to love people who irritate me, who are up themselves, who want to steal others joy, who are needy and clingy and insecure..I have no tollerance or time for them..and this is why I need God so desperately. How am I to be any different or display God to others in my own flesh, the answer is that I cant and neither do I want most of the time. Yet when I stop and think about how glorious the Lords love is for me and how I can show these people I find hard to be around a piece of what He has shown to me it makes me want to confess my pride and beg for the mercy I so desperatly need to love these annoying desperate people of which I am NO BETTER, because I know I am that person to Christ..and He loved me anyways.

He also points out so clearly how selfish and arrogant we are. We are so quick to point out everyone's faults around us and so unwilling to look at our own. We are so caught up in the most trivial things and all the while waisting our lives and the purpose of them on trying to figure out why the world is against or how we can make people see things our way. Who cares? Why should I bother because its not about me! Its about our merciful heavenly Father who has chosen me to be a part of His Kingdom and I am just a fraction of a thought he had in the grand scheme of things and yet I waltz around thinking I am the star of the show..cause to me I am in every scene.

I am tired of myself.

To be emersed in the Lords love and therefore to be able to love people the way that God calls me to love them and bring a little bit of his peace, truth, HOPE into their lives the way he has so lavishly displayed in mine is the reason I am alive. Any other thing that I do is so trivial in comparison to the great call He has on all of our lives. I do not want to waist time trying to figure out how I can make my way in the world and BE ALL I CAN BE..I just want to be a part of the thing that God is doing and see HIm move in HIs mighty ways. I want to know God and be known by God intimatley and deeply and be profoundly changed forever. I want to KNOW my God. There is nothing more beautiful or meaningful in all the world than to know and worship the giver and breather of life..NOTHING.

I am tired of myself pointing towards my achievements, gifts, abilities and this deep need for people to see me and validate my worth. God has chosen me, is that not validation enough. That He would choose to use me at all is the most humbling thing that i so easily take for granted. I want to love because it is God in me, and not my need to try. I just want to love people when they are hard for me to love and they dont like me even. I want the Holy Spirits power and wisdom to be poured out all over me and those I come in contact with.

The burning has started again, I have missed it...

"Started Rubbing sticks together, thought a spark would take forever, never dreampt this fire would apprear. When Moses saw the bush in flames, and heard the branches speak his name, I wonder if he felt this kind of fear. Cause Im burning, yeah Im burning, and I know Im gonna blister in these flames. But Ill stay here, till this smoke clears, and Ill find you in the ashes that remain. Used to be that I could say, my faith was one arms length away, from any flame that ever felt too warm. Asked for matches but I recieved a gallon full of gasoline..now my cozy campire days are gone..cause Im burning.

Knock with caution at the door, they said..beware of what your praying for..so Ill stand with my whole desire in the middle of this forrest fire..till Ive nothing left to show and new life begins to grow..cause Im brurning!"

 -Nichole Nordeman

 

well things aer down to the wire now..I feel like I am waisting so much time while I am at work..but today I have already purchased our wedding bands so i do feel better about that..I just need to stay focused and get things done...

I am going to copy and paste the list here for fun and memories. I can not believe its a little over three weeks away now! I am ready to be married and be past all this planning..what a great idea to take a vacation right after this madness...im all for that..and CABO!

My shower was fantastic and I got a lot of very nice things from these lovely people, im so thankful!

SO heres the list and heres to getting it done!!!

10/21 List of Things to Do:

 

Now:

Order Wedding Bands

Collect stories from Bridal Party for intros for DJ

Work on Bridal Party Gifts

Get bags for the gifts

Finalize Vows

Make a list of shots I want in pics

Write Thank you notes for bridal party

Work on First Dance

Practice the Communion thing (grape and white grape juices)

Decide on Guestbook whatnot

Ask someone to take digital pics of all guests and sign guest book cards

Finish Slide show and give CD to Steve

Finish Marriage Counseling

Get cranberry pills

Write Thank you notes for shower gifts

Ask Steve if we Nick can use the video camera for the wedding

Pick a date for getting marriage license

Decide if we need to send out Rehearsal Dinner Invites

Call/Text/Email all involved in wedding (Morgan, Mandy, Etc) about being good to go.

A: Finalize Wedding Programs, Print Friday October 31

A: Get nails/hair done

D: Buy cruise

D: Find out info from Shane

D: Make sure all groomsmen/ tux’s are fitted

A: Find any jewelry I am to wear

A: Make a time schedule of the day, times, directions, who needs to be where when, send to all

A: Make up running order for reception

     In the running order of the day put in time to say bye to family

A: Something new, borrowed, old and blue

A: Find makeup picture I want

A: Go to Danas for make up and song run through

Tell TJ our food selections and approximate number (pay?)

Get Champagne and Apple Cider

Get Cake Cutting Knives

Ask Theresa about lighting/ when we can get in on the day/ turning chapel to reception area time in case of weather

Decide if we are having veggie trays or eating while we are taking pics

Get white slippers for reception

A: Determine any wedding day assignments for bridal party, lists and info sheets

Start making seating arrangements

Get more table numbers or decide on specific table names

Do place cards

Decide where place cards will be

Make Throw Away bouquet

Do favors and thank you notes

Confirm Rehearsal time

Get pics together for screens in reception area at SH

Ask Cassey to be in charge of the emergency kit: mints/bobby pins/safety pins/hairspray/tissue/etc.

Ask someone to bring a light snack for bridesmaids and groomsmen around 2:30

Reserve Nail Spa: Confirm who is coming along

Make a second appointment with Morgan to give schedule and shots

 

Do by November 7:

Get Dress Steamed/Ironed

Call any guests who haven’t RSVP’d for final head count

Get Final #’s for Theresa

Let TJ know our final #’s and ask how set up/delivery will go (or ask Theresa to do)

Make sure when Mandy will drop off cake, any last details to add

Confirm Morgan will be arriving at 1:00 pm

Make sure all bridal party is aware and confirmed to be at the rehearsal at scheduled time

Confirm all Rehearsal Dinner details, times, activities, timing, etc.

Have Troy bring all sound equipment to SH

Give all ceremony songs and order to SH

Give all pics to Sunset Hills for foyer

Make outdoor signs for the event pointing the way? (Bridesmaids?)

Check 7 day forecast…pray for warm!

 

Rehearsal Day November 13^th:

Tuxes MUST be tried on ASAP!!!!!!

Get Rental car

Pack all honeymoon gear (don’t forget camera!!!)

Have everything out we need to change once we leave the reception

Have our documents, tickets, reservations, etc in honeymoon bag

Give seating chart to Theresa

Get together all final payments in envelopes for distribution

Guys final hair cuts

Get Video Camera from Steve (whomever) to give to Nick

Designate who will arrange all wedding vendors (Theresa)

Bring Guestbook Frame/Pages to venue

Bring favors and notes rolled in to venue

Make sure there is a guestbook/gifts table

Rehearsal

Rehearsal Dinner

Confirm Toasts are ready from MOH and BM

Ask someone to collect my bouquet, the cake, miscellaneous items etc.

Someone get grape juice and bread for communion

 

 

 

This quote has nothing to do with anything except the fact that its on my calendar here next to my computer.

Its fall, it doesn much feel like it tho..maybe a little more at night. I am so ready to bust out the boots and scarves however!

I am so tired!!!

In some ways I am freaking out over the fact that I am getting married in a month and five days and how there is SOOOO much to get done...and now its down to time consuming things like writing vows, picking songs, writing service orders, etc. I have decided to put every detail in my calendar because there really isnt any time to waist on watching tv or doing anything but looking on the internet for songs!!

Kirstin helped me come up with details from her planning list yesterday which was really helpful but tres overwhelming at the same time!

In many other ways I can not wait to get on my honeymoon just for the simple beauty of relaxing for all those days..i mean with nothing to plan or worry about at all.

This weekend should be mental...

Tonight I have my buisness launch and starting Kirstin up.

Friday I need to try on all my undergarments with my dress and decide what I still need and about hemming. I havent tried it on it quite some time.

Saturday I will go down the hill to meet Amy and hopefully get any of the wedding dress things I need, shop for a dress for Dionnes wedding (which someone so graciously gave me money for!) and that evening Daniel and I will work on our vows and our wedding party introductions for the reception.

Sunday we have church and then Dionnes wedding in Pasadena which I am really looking forward to! But its just so much to do!

Every day next week I have planned down to the minute it feels like with deadlines for our slide show and other what not! Holy smokes!

Anyways, lets face it I am waisting time writing this while I could be working on something else. I just need to take a deep breath and attempt to delegate!

 

Currently it is very overcast outside and I am very sleepy.

This weekend has been exhausting! Saturday we were meeting to sign the lease papers for the apartment at 8, picked up the moving truck, filled the moving truck, unloaded the moving truck, came home, got food, went to John and Joy's for marriage counseling, ran home, took the fastest shower ever because it was time for the baby shower...baby shower time, Kelsey, Kirstin and I went to the new apartment and talked till late and Daniel went home because he now had the sickness I had last weekend.

Sunday Kelsey and I went to Starbucks on the way to church and then imediately after we came home, ate something and then back to the moving. Garrett, Cat, Troy and Daniel went to get Garretts stuff from Phelan while mom Kelsey and I went through all Memas stuff in the garage and which stuff I could take. We then loaded that stuff up and took it to the apartment where we cleaned it all up and put it away. Daniel finally got back and we went to Darrell and Beckies to borrow their washer and dryer from them and Becky was so nice to make us dinner, but then we were off again...had to return the moving truck and first fill it up with deisel and then back home to finish lanundry and then back to the apartment to do some last minute cleaning before bed. Kelsey had school today so didnt stay with me last night so it was a bit scary and I didnt sleep super well, so thats probably another reason I am a bit tired today.

I really want to take a nap but that does not seem to be in the cards today. I will go to the gym after work, go home get ready, zip to an Arbonne meeting and then off to the grocery store after that. Bed doesn't seem like it can come quick enough. And although I am soooo tired I miss Daniel. We were both running different direcections most of the weekend so I feel like I barely was able to see him. Yet, on the other hand, I feel like I have never loved him as much as I love him this weekend. Yeah, love is not something you can easily put into words I see again.

Until next time..

I can not believe that its so few days until we are married! Things are getting done and I have a list of things still to be done. Currently getting all the shower invites done and addressed, finally got all the tux colors picked, got the dj sorted, still considering the videographer, flower girl dress done, and invitations printed!

As far as I know we are moving into our lovely new apartment on October 1st. Just have to come up with the massive down payment, but the place is very nice and I am very excited to move in. When I say..."we" are moving in I mean Kelsey and I. Daniel will be moving home to pay our rent..until we are married of coarse. At least this next month I can get it all ready with our stuff! Yeah! I am very excited about that! I will try and describe it for those who are interested. Its two story and there is a garage attached to the kitchen with an electric door opener..yeah! It looks pretty new, the kitchen is off the garage which then goes into the living room which has a small half bath attached to it. Upstairs there is one big bedroom to the right, a seperate bathroom and then at the end of the hall the master bedroom which has a bathroom connected to it. so really 2 bedrooms and 2.5 baths. I am excited to see our stuff in their..and we need to get a fridge but I am sure we can round one up somewhere.

I have been sick this past weekend, and I hate being sick! Its like a headcold type thing and I had a fever one night. It seems to be clearing up today, thank goodness! Things have been swirling around me and I have been too out of it to really catch onto anything. I did catch up on lots of wedding stuff because of it tho, and yesterday was able to watch all of Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea..I LOVE those movies! Its cool to have watched them in all phases of my life and how I relate to them differently every time too..cool.

I feel there is so much more that has taken place but my brain is still a bit too foggy to get it out at the moment.

One thing I do know..I love Daniel!!! A LOT!!!

Currently feeling the hunger pangs..and its quite litteral and not at all metaphorical sadly.

Update Time!

In Categories once again....

Church: Is great. Great preaching by Chris, always so challenging and hits right between the eyes. Its on James at the moment. I think its going to be really great..the first hald of chapter one has been! Women of the Word starts tomorrow with my girl Beth, so excited about that! Community groups are fun and encouraging, had "Italian Night" last night and John made some kick butt Eggplant Parmasean which I am now a big fan of! Why am I talking about this when I am so hungry?? Also Cornerstone was great as well, I mean, it was all intro stuff but it should get interesting! Its so cool to see the sanctuary so full of people who want to know the Bible better! Daniel is loving leading Jr. High, Nate says he had about 40 last week and hes doing a great job..so its all good.

Work: Which is church..horray! I am thankful still..is...fine. Nothing major going on, just the usual..but good. Kirstin will be in a couple days a week and we get to go to lunch on Wednesday too! yeah:) I started my new venture/part time job with Arbonne. I get all my stuff I ordered tomorrow and I am very excited about that, there is A LOT! But I think that its so good to actually use and be familiar with all this stuff. I plan on being a rich missionary after all..hehe..with the Lords blessing. Have a meeting tonight, so that should be interesting!

Wedding: Going well, went to look at tuxes on Saturday..boo..they dont have the brown in yet and I forgot to bring a dress or bouquet so it was kinda pointless, oh well. All the favors are made and we have met about the bridal shower which we are going to have to rent a hall for cause I am inviting close to 60 people! Who knew?! My aunt and cousin are throwing it for me, I am very excited!! We bought the invitations this weekend too, funfun! Will be meeting with the wedding coordinator on Tuesday to pick colors and finalize about catering and all that whatnot. Good news! I found out on Friday that I got the photographer I wanted for the price I wanted..which is such a blessing..thank you Lord! They are even going to have two photographers! So amazing! The wedding numbers seem to be growing by the moment...cause my mom thinks of someone else to invite, I am like..ok youre paying i guess?! Oh and we have got these great cool things for the communion unity thingy..yeah...its hard to explain but way cool!

Daniel & I: Are good! After the tux appointment we went and had dinner at BJs and had a really great talk. He is just great, and once again, I know he is from the Lord for me. We are really getting excited about being married and can't believe how little time is left, its going by so fast. We have been looking for places to live this last week as well, which has been really fun! One day, randomly, a lady my mom knows who owns apartments up behind St Marys, called me and told me about an apartment they are going to have available about when we need it..2 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage..at just what we want to pay. Then yesterday we drove by a house in Apple Valley that a lady we know wants to rent out, I wasnt sure if the area was ok or not, but when we drove by last night it looked ok and the house looked great too! That is also for our price and has a jacuzzi in the back apparantly?! We havent seen inside either, but will keep you posted! We have been together 5 months as of Saturday, which we both forgot about..again, but it feels like sooo much longer.

Me: I officially worked out 7 days a week last week twice on most days..which is good. But at church yesterday I was convicted that I was making 2-3 hours space for myself and very little for God. So instead I got up this morning and spent time with Him and will work out after work. I get my Figure 8 set tomorrow so I can start those shakes soon and that should help, Im hoping. I am really inspired and excited about Arbonne and the possibilities there, shall keep you posted on that. I am overwhelmed most days by the grace and blessing the Lord seems to be pouring out on me at this time and I try to bring all Glory back to him as much as I can remember to! I know I deserve none of the goodness coming my way but I am greatful for his lavish gifts which I so want to always recognize are from his loving hands. I say thank you as often as I can.

Thats all for now, until next time...bye bye

holy cow its September already!!

two months and two weeks about till I get married! I can't believe it...

So, I guess I got too distracted to blog my fitness/eating habits over the weekend...oh well.

I am still doing Slim in 6, every morning, and trying to go to the gym in the evening as well. I can tell a difference in my body already..so thats good!

So lets see, what are some things that have gone on...

We got a nice queen size bed frame and matress given to us, nearly brand new..so we were very appreciative of that..again, from the same people! We also stained our tables. They were supposed to be dark brown..but they are black..but should work ok. Well, let me rephrase that..Daniel sanded the tables and started to help stain them but was more interested in doing warrior handprints on himself or painting his toenails black and saying he was emo...I am going to make him leave the house when I want to really clean or get a project done! haha

Which brings me to another story really quick, Daniel likes to tickle me which I HATE! We have had a serious conversation about this, which he obviously disregards! Anyways, I can never get too mad at him because he just makes fun of me or is silly so I cant be too serious. Like last night I told him I was going to scratch his eyes out if he didnt stop and that I meant buisness! He laughed so hard and was like.."did you say scratch me eyes out..and what buisness is this you mean? are you going to sell my eyes? I was laughing too hard at myself.

Anyways, enough of that.

We need to find an apartment soon, well in the next few weeks because I want to be in by October 1st to get it settled. Hopefully! We just have to find the right one, for the right price!

Kirstin started at the church! Horray! I am very excited that she will be around, and I think she will do a really great job with the kids ministry. I hope Tyler can find a job up here soon so they can move up here, I think they will be good friends! I mean more than they already are! We get to go to a welcome lunch for her next week!!

Britt made her reservations to come out for the wedding and found out her fiance from Northern Ireland can come too. i think he may be my sole representative..but I am excited for them in that!

I have decided that I am going to join Arbonne, so I will be signing up on Friday. I am pretty excited and just have to view it as my new part time job, cause thats what its going to be. Its a great opportunity and my friends have been obviously successful at it, so I hope with their help I can be to? We shall see? I just want to be a stay at home mom, when that time comes, and it just makes sense.

I feel like there is so much going on and so much to do I have a hard time processing everything, I am a bit in auto pilot but its ok. I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

Will update more soon.